Being a creative ally to sex workers doesn't always mean collaborating artistically on their projects. For instance, this week Nicole and I road-tripped to New York City for a SXSW accepted filmmaker orientation at Kickstarter HQ (pictured above). Instead of spending hundreds of dollars on accommodations, we stayed with a married pair of long-time Modern Whore believers who are themselves collaborators on various sex work-related creative projects. Thanks to their generosity, we always have a home in Brooklyn.
As we settled into their beautiful home after our 9-hour drive, we discussed the creative squabbling that comes with collaboration.
"What about you two," they asked. "Do you squabble?"
Nicole and I looked at each other.
Our friendship has been collaborative since the beginning. We met on the set of a music video in 2011, Nicole as director, me as "Gogo Dancer #1." When "Gogo Dancer #2" didn't show, the director said "fuck it" and took on that role, too. We bonded in a basement bathroom as we applied makeup and got into costume, and I instantly admired her creative prowess.
We became close enough friends that I began to share my secret escorting tales. These stories piqued her interest, and while I loved writing and storytelling, I was still firmly sealed in my sex work closet. I didn't know how to make art with my experience, art that could be shared out in the open.
Telling a whore's stories, even as a well-intentioned creative ally, is tricky business. The collaborator must concede narrative power to the one with lived experience. Conceding power to a collaborator is a difficult task for civilian artists, let alone sex workers in a whorephobic world.
Before we can see sex workers as artists, we must first see them as humans. The creative ally, then, is tasked with confronting their own prejudices about sex work. Understanding how difficult it is to have our voices heard when the predominant narrative of eternal victimhood and no-one-would-ever-choose-this denies us even the most basic humanity is step one for the would-be sex worker collaborator.
A creative ally is what Clarissa Pinkola Estés calls a vision carrier: someone who not only listens to our dreams, but holds the flame for us by believing in their value, and in the possibility -- the inevitability -- of those dreams coming true. Nicole is my vision carrier. Do we squabble?
"Not really," we both answered.
"We compromise," I added.
Our collaborative style is to meet in the middle, to not be so attached to our ideas that constructive criticism becomes a personal attack.
The 27 short stories and 60 photographs in Modern Whore: A Memoir took 6 years of friendship, 3 years of collaboration, 2 years of hookin', and another 2 years of promotion to come into the world. 2020 marks a new chapter: a short film enjoying its world premiere at a top-tier festival, and a 2nd edition of Modern Whore on the way, with 50 new pages of content.
And I couldn't have done it without my creative ally.
As much as Nicole holds my vision for a world without sex worker shame, I carry hers as well. Never for a second have I doubted Nicole's enormous talent as a multi-faceted, open-minded, visionary artist. When I imagine her in the future, I see her shining beauty, her numerous accolades, and a vast well-earned wealth that allows her to continue to do what she does best. We hold these visions for each other.
If you wanna be a sex worker ally, carry the flame: believe in us, the supremacy of our lived experience, and the dignity of our humanity.
But most of all, follow our lead. No one tells a story like a sex worker.
Brilliant and insightful! Thank you!♥️